it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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