Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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