so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
