I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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