Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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