yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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