It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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