I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
