Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
