it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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