all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
