he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
