I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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