I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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