Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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