His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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