We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
