That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm passing your future prison.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
