apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
