I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
