next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
