he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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