he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
