mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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