If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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