operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
