I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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