So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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