New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm at about main and main street
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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