hotel room ftw
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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