Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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