Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
