4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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