Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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