We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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