Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
