I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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