I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
