One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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