We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize