arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
