I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
