NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
