I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
