Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
