Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize