how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
