you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize