the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
