Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
