I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
