Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
