I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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