it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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