so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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