You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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