I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am midnight drunk by noon
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
