'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
