I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize