at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
