He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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