he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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