I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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