OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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