guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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