oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
