The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
