I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
