i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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