My room smells like vodka and shame
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize