Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
