It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
