let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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