Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize