I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
