Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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