Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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