wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
