A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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