But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
