We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
