we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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