He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I need moral support for this bender
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
