I'm so fucking centered right now
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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