party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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