using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
