I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
