Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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