Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
