I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
